SURVIVING LAGOS: EPISODE I

Lagos, the cosmopolitan city of West Africa. The city is alive with bright lights, sky scrapers, blaring horns, beautiful beaches, wild night life, crazy parties and most of all INTERESTING PEOPLE.

I moved to this wonderful city 5yrs ago and counting and I must say that in my time here, I have seen things. Things that leave my mouth agape and probably only shut when a fly passes very close to my lips and then I concluded that it is not their fault, I am the local one. You would not understand this unless you live here, frequent here or have visited. This city has people from all works of life from all across the country and the globe. It is the New York of Nigeria. The supposed land of opportunities where who you are would either make you or break you. The city where Emeka in the village would tell his mum “mama, I am moving to Lagos” and her heart almost stops for fear that her son would never return the same. Where Halima tells her dad “Dad, I got admission into the prestigious UNILAG” and his advice would be “don’t go and join all those club girls” (I mean, come on parents, it’s not that bad na haba!!). The hustle and bustle is endless, the people are tireless and the fight to stay relevant is unending. People here probably only rest when dead as the city demands everything from you.

People always ask me how I survive here (in the words of my brother in-law “that place has no oxygen). But it is not just the fact that the city is choked with houses that are so close to each other that if a fire starts a whole neighborhood would be engulfed in flames but about the everyday life.  Surviving in this town is quite tiring but I abide by certain guidelines that help me enjoy every moment of it. These may not work for you though. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong.     

1.      YOU ARE A NOBODY AND YOUR FATHER IS TOO: I say this without any intention to insult anyone but My Okoros daughter, Mr Alius son and Mr Bankoles child may only work for you here in certain circles but the truth is, there are a lot of “purported” big mens children here. Those that your father could be their fathers gateman or their father could be your fathers shoe shiner but you would never know because of packaging. Coming to show yourself with an air that you are too much or your father is too much would only allow the sharks to swallow you whole. They would take advantage of what you put out there and they would suck the life out of you. Showing yourself almost always attracts the wrong crowd. I would give you a typical example. For those of you that party/club sometimes you would have observed this too. These so called friends usually only call you when there is groove. Now they never come alone, they carry their bandwagon of friends and they all drink expensive bottles of champagne on your head and then ghost when it’s time to pay. Think they are your guys? Call them when you are in trouble or when you desperately need their help. That is when you would hear that their fathers brothers uncle who is the step son of their mothers sister died and they are taking care of the burial arrangements. Perhaps you want to show yourself, you will see those that have ten times more than you (both legitimately and illegitimately, who cares), have better packaging than you and would give you a run for your money. So my dear people, keep calm, bend your head low and stay focused, do not try to compete O! Because you will most certainly drown.

Ok people we would stop here today but don’t worry, this is just the first part of the surviving Lagos series so sit tight.

Have a great day.

*HUGS*